Secret door
by auramaura
Summary: This is the story of River Song and the Doctor. How it began and how it ended. All its bittersweetnest and its oddity, lives of two beings trying to run away from each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who and never will. Whoniverse belongs to BBC.**

Melody's eyelids were too heavy. She couldn't keep her eyes open anymore, but she tried to fight it. She saw blurred vision of a tall man standing in front of her. Melody could hear some muffled sound. Then she noticed that the man's mouth was moving. He was definitely telling her something she was sure was important, but was only able to catch the end of it.

"...sleep well, Melody Pond," The Doctor gave her a peculiar crooked smile, which was more sad than happy. His eyes were irritatingly cagey. She was sick of all the secrets she had to keep or be kept from. She wanted to say that she didn't want to sleep at all, that she was fresh and well-rested. Melody didn't know when he is coming back- whether he even is coming back and she was determined to get the answers she deserved. However her body was too slow. _The bowtie is ridiculous._ That was her last thought. Then she gave in and blackness overwhelmed her. After all, it had been a hard day.

The Doctor glanced at her for a while, thinking about everything that had happened so far and was to happen in the future. He was watching Melody (or was it River already? He couldn't wait to find out) unconsciously smiling like a freak. She was still such a child. He felt a strange warmness spreading amongst his chest as she was lying there, sleeping and looking so innocent. Quite the opposite of the impression she gave when she was awake. But Doctor knew it was just a mask she put on in order to deceive people and especially him. In which she always succeeded when she was older. He was thinking about the River Song he knew and how different she was from the River lying before him so young. So immature, so pure. It was odd, even frightening, how easily he could read her. The Doctor didn't expect the first time she met him to come so soon. That very moment was the beginning of an end. Even though he was still new in their relationship, he sensed panic rising somewhere deep inside him. He could clearly see how much he had influenced her. The Doctor felt guilt pulling him down to the floor. He had screwed her up more than anyone before.

She woke up abruptly. Her body was aching. She couldn't remember what happened the day before. Then she looked at her hands-far paler than the ones she was used to and the memories came back quickly and violently. She wasn't ready for them being so confusing. It was so absurd that she wasn't sure whether it really happened. But then she noticed the TARDIS blue book on the bedside table. It was real. This body was real. Her parents knowing who she was were real. The Doctor-the man she had been trying to kill since she was able to walk- was real. Oh God, he was real. Then she saw cat nurses and spooky ill aliens and they all were real. Was it a dream or a nightmare?

A cat nurse noticed that she was awake, "Good morning, Ms. Song. How are you today?"

_River Song. What a stupid name._ Her throat was dry and sore when she tried to speak, "Fine, thanks. Could you tell me what date it is?"

She knew that the question might seem odd to the nurse-but she really didn't care. She had to know at least a bit of the usual stuff that all people know to keep her sanity.

"Of course, dear. It is 15th September."

"Year, tell me what year it is, please," The cat nurse shot her a strange look, as if she thought Melody was nuts.

"It is 5123."

She wasn't astonished. It looked like the future, "Where am I?"

"You are in the hospital of The Sisters of the Infinite Schism."

"Yes, I got that I'm in a hospital, but in what city?" Her urgent tone could be considered as rude. And indeed, the nurse seemed to be a bit offended, because her voice was cold when she spoke.

"New New York," It didn't help her much, but she knew something at least.

She got bored short after the cat nurse moved on to another patient. She banned herself to think about her situation, because she knew it was pointless and her brain would hurt even more than it already did. Melody had been slightly too energetic in her past regenerations and she found out that it didn't change much since then. She tried to keep herself entertained by observing a big fat blue man whose skin was covered in big purple dots, which quite obviously shouldn't have been there. Yes, she was gaping at him and yes, it was a bit impolite, but she couldn't help herself. He was blue, for God's sake. Her surprise rose as the man seemed to have noticed her and she could clearly see spark of recognition in his eyes. He sat straight and watched her as if he couldn't believe his eyes. His mouth spread in a huge smile.

"Isn't it Doctor Song herself? What are you doing here?"

She was certain she had never seen him before. But he used _the_ name and although she wasn't comfortable with it yet, she knew he must have meant her, "I am sorry, have we met yet?" He laughed.

"I see what you are trying to do. You made a fool out of me, but that's already forgotten."

She smiled politely, still very confused, "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You really mustn't pretend you don't know me. The Doctor returned me the vortex manipulator"

_What?_"I assure you I'm not pretending anything. I don't know you."

The man frowned as he tried to work it out. She was glad he apparently did in the end as he smiled even widely than before, "Oh, of course, well this is strange. I reckon you really haven't met before. How stupid of me not to consider this possibility. My name is Dorium Maldovar. I'm a merchant."

Melody simply nodded. She didn't know what to say.

"What a coincidence that we met here. The hospital staffs are rubbish- I should have had my own room, but they got it all wrong. What are you here for?"

She was frantically thinking for a while, unsure of what should she tell him, "I got poisoned."

He grinned like an idiot, "Honestly, that doesn't surprise me. You lead very dangerous life, Mrs. Song."

She was glad when a cat nurse came to him and told him that his room was ready.

"Goodbye, Mrs. Song," Her voice was weak when she replied to his hail.

Melody's head was banging as the man's words were twirling in her mind like a mantra. _Doctor Song, dangerous life, vortex something._ She didn't think it possible, but things got even more complicated.


	2. Chapter 2

After two weeks and several minor incidents she finally got out of the hospital. Everyone was in better moods after Melody left, especially the staff. When she could do nothing but lie in her bed, she promised to herself that when she got released she would walk for hours and go as far away as possible. There, she stood motionless in front of the bloody building she spent too much time in for her liking. The world she was looking at was vast and foreign. She didn't belong there. It was the wrong time, the wrong place.

Melody didn't know what to do next. She wanted to be free but didn't know how to begin. And the letter the Doctor had left on her bedside table didn't help her in sorting thoughts. She didn't understand his intentions. The Doctor was a great mystery, even legend for her , although she would never admit the latter. She had heard so many tales about his horrible deeds that there were times when she thought he was just a myth. The Doctor, the creature with cruel faces, slaughterer of innocent, man of many names except for the real one. This man was a dark silhouette, living in shadows.

Within her living memory, there was ghoulish mutter from behind her. Never in her life would she get rid of those terrible voices spitting fiendish stories in her ear. Sometimes she still sensed the strange smell of the tricksters, a sickening mixture of fester and roses. There was some odd touch-tinge of iron. The very essence of the smell always made her breath fasten. She was sure human blood smelled just so.

Melody hardly remembered her childhood, as she took great effort to forget it. The memories of her goodnight stories were too sharp, too bright, too often recalled. They followed her wherever she went. Their breath on the back of her neck was something that had almost driven her to insanity. She had thought that if she killed the Doctor, as she was ordered, the whispering voices would leave her. If he was gone, there would be no more stories to tell. She had evolved since then, but still somewhere deep inside she secretly believed that the death of the Doctor would solve everything. He was a curse that followed her everywhere, a curse that she needed to be free from.

Melody had planned to leave her past behind her many times before. She got the chance to do so from him, The Doctor, quite paradoxically. It was her new beginning. She wasn't and didn't want to be Melody or Mels anymore. And however outlandish the name was she knew she would go by it. River Song finally moved forward.

She had been walking for a few hours. The city was disappointing and unlikable. At first, she wasn't certain whether she would return to the Earth, but many footsteps later; it seemed like a good idea. She sat on the nearest bench. Earth was where she began. The only thing left to do was to think of some way to get three thousand years back and many light years away.

Her skirt didn't feel comfortable. It was too short and she was trying not to get unwanted attention. She opened black leather bag Amy gave her, took out a blue book and opened it. As she had found out the first day in the hospital, it was blank. River turned its pages until she got to place where a letter was folded. She had read it many times before but reread it once more, nevertheless.

_Dear Melody,_

_I know you're confused. I give you something you never really had. I give you the freedom of decision. Do whatever you want to do. I promise I won't interfere._

_The Doctor_

_PS: Amy and Rory say they love you._

_PSPS: There's a credit card in the small pocket in your bag._

_PSPSPS: Remember rule one._

She stood up. Even though it was sunny calm day, warm wind began to blow. The air smelled like rain and electricity. River knew he was coming.

Out of blue, the TARDIS appeared. A loud thud could be heard as the ship settled. She didn't know what to do. The box and her were both motionless for a minute. Then the door opened, but no one came out. The TARDIS hummed and it sounded somewhat impatiently. River walked inside. Her interior looked differently. The console room was dimly lit. It was darker, colder, and utterly empty. She walked to the console and looked over to corridors, but nobody was there either.

The box suddenly started jerking as it took flight once again. River had to catch railing so that she wouldn't fall. It didn't last long. When it finally stopped, she released her grip. Her legs were still shaky. If the Doctor was home, he would have come to meet her. There was no point in seeking him. River had no idea where the TARDIS landed and decided to check it. She walked out of the blue door.

"No, no, no, that bloody thing has done it again! "

"What's happened? Oh..."

The Doctor angrily paced through desert. Clara was trying to walk as quickly as him. It was very hot, "What will we do now?"

"I don't know!"

"I'm thirsty."

"Well, you obviously have to wait."

Clara looked around as The Doctor kept walking, "Where are we going anyway?"

"We've got to find some shade. You humans don't last long out in the sun."

"Oi, watch it! Anyway, I can't see any."

"That's why we're looking for it."

It was late night where she landed. The street she walked weren't very different from New New York's avenues. River looked around, searching for some sign that would indicate the place's name. Then she saw it. It was big and blue and green and in the wrong place. The thing in the skies was the Earth. Her jaw almost dropped. She was on the Moon. The thought didn't have enough time to sink in properly, because the TARDIS started to dematerialise. River ran back to it and tried to open the door, but it just wouldn't move. And few seconds later there was nothing.

The TARDIS came back an hour later. They were both cooked by then and Clara had serious heatstroke. The Doctor pushed the door and shut them behind Clara more forcefully than needed. She walked to the med bay to get some pills and water. The Doctor was alone with his ship. He gave the console a strict look.

"I know that you and Clara don't get along with each other much. That's between you and her. What you did this time, however. It crossed the line. I won't let you harm her just because you're being ridiculous," His words were sharp. He had his best parental face on. "Why did you leave anyway? What were you thinking you lunatic old ship?" The TARDIS was stubbornly quiet. The Doctor would have gone on for ages, explaining to his oldest fellow how to treat companions if he hadn't noticed a white paper on the floor. He picked it up and began to read. His eyes widened as he immediately recognised the short letter. The Doctor smiled widely and his look was suddenly warmer when he looked at his ship again.


	3. Chapter 3

It was dark inside the TARDIS. The Doctor was lying on the floor, motionless. His face was blank. Silence resonated throughout his ship. Suddenly he felt compulsion to scream, just to reassure himself that he was still able to. Just to make sure he wasn't dead as well.

She was. He still held his grief at the bay. He wouldn't run away as he always did. She deserved better. Every tiny human could sit and cry and then, after some time, let go eventually. They could, he couldn't. He was too weak. The Doctor was usually full of energy, prepared to save the day. Now, his young face reflected its true age. He was so very tired.

He laid there on the glass floor, just as quiet as his only friend, the old faithful ship. The Doctor fell asleep. He slept for two days and when he woke up, he was empty inside. The Time Lord didn't take enough care of himself. He had grown a beard; he didn't have enough energy to shave it off. His appearance changed entirely.

The TARDIS had understanding for him at first; she was grieving as well. After some time had passed, however, she grew disconcerted. She worried about her Time Lord who didn't want to move on. He was aware of her concern, but ignored it anyway. He slept too much in these days and yet felt exhausted. Even after he woke up he wouldn't get up from the bed.

So when he did stand up, the TARDIS felt almost happy. His trance was over, or so she thought, when he went to the bathroom and shaved. Then he continued to his closet to get dressed properly. The Doctor opened its door and closed his eyes. He wasn't prepared to see any of her belongings. It would make her death conclusive. Nothing was sadder than a dead person's clothes.

He fumbled about in the closet, relying on his memory to lead him to the pile of clean clothes. Once he grabbed it, he made sure to get out as quickly as possible. He felt disgusted at himself being so gutless. The Doctor had faced cataclysms, monsters and other terrible, sick beings, but in fact he was a coward. These things might have tried to kill him, might have tortured him,yet still it was himself whom he feared the most.

When he got dressed, the Doctor walked to the console room. He pulled some levers, pressed some buttons, typed in coordinates, but the usual joy he possessed had vanished. Left behind in its wake was a sorrowful, old man. With a heavy sigh, he pressed a blue button. The TARDIS set off quietly.

Lights were green and blue and violet. They were constantly changing and flickering in odd way and gave the club gloomy atmosphere. There was a big square-shaped bar where different sorts of alcohol could have been ordered. In one of the bigger rooms was a band playing. The place before stage was full of different people and aliens who were moving in impossible way but not a single one of them seemed to feel ashamed of their bizarre dancing. They looked free. The music was suggestive and primitive, slow and yet dynamic. River suddenly felt strange urge to join the crowd and dance senselessly till she'd drop.

She put down to the liquor she had sipped before. River had no idea why she had come there in the first place. Earlier that day she had broken up with Andrew. Although it was her who had ended the relationship, sorrow settled down in her hearts.

Loneliness had been driving her mad recently. She did have friends; in fact she was quite popular amongst people, but they were lacking some qualities she required but couldn't put a finger on. Her relationships with others were very shallow from her side.

River always tried to be honest with herself and she realized that her current friends weren't able to keep up with her. They weren't good enough to make her feel fulfilled and satisfied. She was alone. Her friends were in the club as well, but she didn't feel like being with them.

She got back to the bar and ordered tequila. The woman was miserable and wanted to drown her sorrows in alcohol. River felt a bit guilty about avoiding her problems that way. It was almost like cheating.

'Whatever', she thought, licked her wrist, placed the salt, licked it again, drank the shot, closed her eyes, and sucked a lemon. Her mind was a bit dizzy when she opened her eyes again. River stood up and decided that dancing wasn't that bad idea at all. She didn't get to the dance floor, though, as a pair of lips suddenly crushed on hers. She was shocked and didn't respond at first, just stood there with her mind frozen.

'Whatever', she thought again and deepened the kiss. She didn't want to be sensible at the moment. The stranger backed her to the wall, both of them not caring about their surroundings. He was kissing her eagerly and somewhat desperately. When her mind started to work a bit, she noticed that the touch of his hand on her hip was familiar. Also his scent was unique and she was sure she had smelled it before. When he bit her lip in that very-him way, she knew. She pushed away abruptly and slapped him. The Doctor let out a sigh of pain and gave her a sad smile.

"You bloody idiot! I've been searching for you two years. Now you show up just like that and snog me without even saying hello!?" He was so stupid. The Doctor was pleased to see her. It was almost unbelievable that he had bumped into her. That's kind of why he didn't even think about the possibility of it being too early for her.

As he came to the club he was determined to get drunk. Of course, she would be there. River always liked a good party. It hurt him so much to see her being so, River-ish even as young as she was. She was crossed with him and yelled at him and yet he was truly happy after so very, very long time.

"Nice to see you too, honey. Though it occurs to me that I really deserved that one," the Doctor said casually as if nothing had happened.  
"You bet you did," she said less angrily, feeling a bit ashamed for her spontaneous action. She wouldn't let him see that, though. River was far too prideful. She was glad she'd ran into him. The woman had been trying to do so since he left her in that hideous hospital. She still didn't have her answers. Granted, the man was a good kisser.

"So, Melody, what have you been up to lately?" The question was a bit corny.

'Actually, it's River now,' she said. She caught his look-there was wisdom and kindness in his eyes, as if he already knew the answer, but would ask anyway. She suddenly recalled what he had whispered into her ear and it made her uncomfortable. She didn't trust him at all. But she was attracted to him like a moth to flame.

'I've been studying at university.'

He was almost amused, "Oh, how interesting! What do you study?"

"Archeology," she simply answered, trying to play it cool. Her cheeks grew pink at the reality that she was truly studying him. That's what betrayed her in the end.

For God's sake, that's River Song blushing. The Doctor would have laughed if he hadn't forgotten how to, "Okay, then, River Song," he said with a teasing smirk, "do you fancy having a drink?"

She was sitting in one of the more intimate boxes. The Doctor brought two mojitos and sat down on the opposite of her. He looked straight into her eyes, "So what questions do you want to ask?"

River gave him an inquisitive look, "How did you know I wanted to ask you something?"

"Spoilers, dear,"

What a tricky word, spoilers. Once hated, once loved, or both as it was this time, "Question one: Why do you keep using that word?"

"Next question," He wanted to give her choice; she still could choose not to use the word at all. His look told her not to push the subject.

"What am I?"

The Doctortried to stay neutral, but the look in his eyes betrayed him. They hadn't told her, "You really don't know, do you?" She shook her head, "You're half human, half Time Lord."

This time it was her who was surprised, "Both of my parents are human."

"Yes, but you were...well, conceived in time vortex, which means you have some Time Lord traits."

There was a pause. It was a very big, silence engulfing pause that ate her up inside. River already knew the answer to this next question, but there was no harm in asking, "Can you take me to Amy and Rory?"

He had anticipated this question, but it hurt him nonetheless. His voice was soft, as were his eyes, when he spoke, "No, I can't."

"I could fly her myself," River stared at him, wonder and determination in her eyes, "you wouldn't have to do a thing."

"That's not the point. I literally can't. It's all sort of...timey-wimey spacey-wacey and I can't really tell you more although I really want to," The Time Lord spoke as fast as he could. The look River gave him suggested she didn't even understand, but then she spoke.

"Spoilers?"

His eyes were sad, "Yes, I'm afraid so, and I'm very, very sorry. I promise you'll meet them soon, you just have to be patient."

Rivers eyes went hollow for a split second, "I miss them."

"I miss them too." River wondered why, but decided that she didn't want to know the answer. They were both silent for a while, but it wasn't Doctor could see her inner fight. Finally she spoke.

"I'll give it to you straight. The thing you said before in Berlin, were you serious or was it just an attempt to save your life? Please, be honest. You owe me the truth."

He smiled gently, "Yes."

'Yes you were serious, or yes you wanted to save your life?'

"Yes, I was serious," The Doctor simply said.

"How was it? Rule one: The Doctor lies?" She didn't want to snap it out, but she just couldn't help it.

"Not this time. Never about this," The Doctor muttered to himself quietly. She was there, flesh and bones and it made him both miserable and joyful. It was the end for him. He knew he would never come to the Library again and hated himself for it. Even if she forgave him, he wouldn't. His throat was suddenly too tight.

"I'll go fetch another drink," He mumbled, stood up and walked away, leaving River behind, just as he always did.

They had been talking and laughing and dancing and flirting all night long. It was three in the morning and the Doctor was walking River home. Air smelt like rain. They became silent when they approached River's house. His eyes were bleak.

"Goodbye, River Song," he whispered and gently kissed her. His lips lingered on hers just few seconds. Then he walked away and didn't turn, for the Doctor knew that it would break his hearts. He heard sound of door slamming behind her.


End file.
